Letting Go of 2020

Hayden Hollingsworth
May 26, 2022
4 min read

It's hard to even begin writing this. What seems like yesterday, already happened 2 years ago. Countless athletes had to experience something terrible with Covid. Senior year got cut short after a handful of games, high school players struggled finding places that would recruit them, and the dreadful zoom class era had to begin. For me, it was my senior year of college. Unfortunately, Covid wasn't the only thing that led 2020 to being the hardest year of my life. Let's dive into a timeline, and I can break it down from there.

I look happy here right? It was the last series of the season, and I didn't even know it. Going into the fall of 2019, I get a call from our head coach at Maryville. The guy that recruited me, believed in me, and helped me in my career tells me he isn't going to coach in my final season. I understand, I get it, I really do. I'm just ready for a great season with new coaches, and believe we are going to win a lot of baseball games. In my career, I was rookie of the week, player of the week, USA South All-Conference, and led DIII in stolen bases. No, I wasn't the best player in the world. I knew what my role was, and I wanted to be great at my role to help us win. I didn't have to hit doubles, triples, and home runs. I had to get on first any way I could and cross home plate in about 5-7 pitches. Why did anything have to change? Why did my swing have to be different? Why did I have to be somebody I'm not? I sit the bench the first 8 games of the season, until I finally get my chance to show what I can do all over again. I go play third base, where I haven't played in 2 years, because of an injury on our team. I make a couple of plays, go 2-3 at the plate, a couple of SBs, a couple of runs... I'M BACK! I will never forget the moment in my life that happened after that game. I get called over after, and I'm thinking he's going to say he was wrong. Instead I heard, "You're selfish, have a bad attitude, you're uncoachable, and the only reason you have ever been good in your career is because you're lucky." My parents drove 4 hours to see me play that day. I saw them for 5 seconds after a 20 minute confrontation in right field. It was all down hill from there.

I had meetings with coaches, sessions with sports psychologists, and bible studies with great people. I forced myself to believe that I was okay. Instead, I was broken down to my core. I ended up finding out that I didn't need to prove myself to anyone. I needed to continue to do what I've always done, make my family proud, and play for God.

I ended up starting a few more games and got my average to over .300. The following week, I was feeling a lot better about myself and the year. Then, a team in our conference cancels the season. A lot of talk was going on that day at practice about Covid and how it would never hurt us. We did Pitcher's BP, and shagged balls the way I love to. I remember crying on my knees praying, "Lord, if this is it let me dive for one more ball." The next pitch, I laid out and made the play, laying on the grass for a few minutes more. The next day, was the day that a part of me was stripped away unexpectedly. I heard from a Twitter notification that baseball was over, I spent a couple of hours crying, and moved home the same day. I never got a Senior Day, I never got to see what a 14-5 start would look like, and I received my Maryville College letter and diploma in the mail. My Maryville College experience ended in a way that I couldn't have ever experienced. So, how did I get through this?

Before the season ended, a lot was going on. I had coaches (except for one) that didn't support me, I gained mental toughness, I was closer with God than ever, I got accepted into grad school at Belmont, and I was back living with the parents (can't thank them enough for helping me through this). It took one full year to get through what I had to experience. Even now, it stays with me. However, I realized that I had to keep working on myself to grow from these experiences. I saw a therapist for the first time in my life, and I can't express to you enough how beneficial this was for me. I've always been a person to put a mask on, show emotions that weren't true, and shut myself off from everyone else. I learned how to talk about it, I learned to understand what I was feeling, and I learned to trust God again. My goodness did He have a plan in all of this. I got to coach for an amazing team over the summer (tallying 280 SBs in 32 games), I got an internship with Belmont Athletics (worked my way up to Director of Baseball Operations), I got a job being a teacher and coach in Georgia, and I met the love of my life. Realizing that trials in your life are going to lead to happiness is so important when struggling through experiences. Working on yourself and growing from mistakes is crucial to ultimate success. I know it's hard seeing His plan in all of this stuff that we call life, but one day you will finally see it.

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